Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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