Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
