the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
