FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
