Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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