well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
