like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
