bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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