He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
