I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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