at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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