Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
