i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
