Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize