last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
