Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
