did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
