maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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