Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
