Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
