Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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