does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
