You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
