he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
