Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
