just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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