Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
