yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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