I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
