enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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