I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
