you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
