You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
