i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize