4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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