When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
