she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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