This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
