I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
