come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The air taste purple.
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