Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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