I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
