Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
