guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
