you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
