what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize