your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
