I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
