insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's paint friendship bongs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
