I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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