she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
