I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have fence marks all over my body
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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