So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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