R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
