I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
