I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize