last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
