I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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