yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
