So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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