I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
