I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
