great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
