is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
