Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
