i was born a porn star she said
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize