Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
FUCK WHALES
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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