i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
