I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize