Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
