Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
