Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
