Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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