all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
