Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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