i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
