I think i peed on brittanys purse
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
