i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
