Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was born a porn star she said
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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