sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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