Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize