I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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