You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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