just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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