Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
