i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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