FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
