glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
