I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
