Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
