Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
