FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize