she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
