Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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